Today I went to work in dirty pants, and no, that's not my secret, although it was gross. My secret is that I don't do laundry. Usually this is something Wesley handles, but he was in class last night, so this was the result:
This came to a head this morning when I realized my options were to bare my hairy legs in a dress, wear some very unflattering knit pants, or dig through the dirty clothes. I initially chose the knit pants but was informed by my loving husband that they didn't look appropriate for work. I assume he was referring to the fact that you could count every fat roll I have (I lost count) plus see the outline of my sexy granny panties. So, after debating for a solid 5 minutes, I chose to wear dirty pants instead of visually assaulting everyone with my "inappropriate" work pants or hairy legs.
As I sit here and type this, the mound continues to grow exponentially because I know that ultimately the ever-expanding pile will break him before it even comes close to bothering me (Trevor gets his OCD honestly). Let's be honest, I could dig out of the dirty clothes hamper for a few more days without thinking twice. And, don't get me started on putting up the laundry. I don't have any need for a dresser. I'd be perfectly content with living out of a laundry basket.
For those of you judging me and thinking how lucky I am to have found a man to put up with this, please know that there is a trade-off. As nasty as my laundry habits are, Wesley's man-farts are absolutely nauseating. His gas could choke a donkey. If I ever file for divorce, the reason for separation will surely be flatulent abuse. Any court in the land would back me up.
I only have one more day to go to deal with a lack of clean work pants, because Saturday is always a big laundry day in my house (for him, not me, of course). Sadly, I'll probably just end up shaving my legs, so I can wear a dress. All that effort just to avoid doing laundry. I truly am lucky I live with someone who keeps me from living in my own filth.
Update: Laundry was washed last night and dried this morning. Best. Husband. Ever.